Photo courtesy of stock.xchng and Lumix2004
I was taught by a dear friend of mine, Judy, the importance of living in the moment when I was going through breast cancer. I guess it had never occurred to me before then…
I was sitting with her in the sunshine on her porch and I had just been diagnosed and was feeling fairly traumatized by the notion that I had an unwanted “guest” in my body.
Judy was listening to my long litany of things I was worrying about – chief among them being “What if everything I do turns out not to be enough?” Judy gave me a gift that day, by saying “Well you can certainly go down that road and worry yourself endlessly. Or you can choose to just live in the moment. Appreciate the here and now as fully as you can.” That turned out to be life-changing advice, and I thank my friend Judy from the bottom of my heart for that beautiful lesson.
We Can Get Lost In the Past and Agonize About the Future
Being a human isn’t easy. Our brains, which are so marvelous at figuring out complex things, can also be the bane of our existence. We can listen to the tales our brain tells us – worrying endlessly about what happened at a party last week, what people will think, how big our credit card bill is – on and on and on.
Sometimes our brain gets fixated on the future, however, and if we are anxious or fearful about that, it can be paralyzing. The trick is not to let our mind control us, rather, to take hold of the mind and direct it where you WANT it to go.
The reason I believe that living in the moment is important when you’re going through breast cancer is because there are so many things about which to be anxious and fearful. Living in the moment truly strips that away and helps you to be more fully alive NOW (which is really all that matters – the here and now!)
My Favorite 9 Tips On Living In The Moment
- Release Your Self-Conscious Anxiety – If you can, release your worries about what people are thinking of you. Most people are so focused on themselves, they really are not thinking about you as much as you think they are. Who cares what they think anyway? It simply does not matter.
- Truly Savor The Present Moment – Be alive to it, use all of your senses. Really hear the song that is playing or what your child is telling you, totally immerse yourself in the beautiful colors of a sunset, truly feel your clothes touching your skin, taste that mouthful of food you just took – endeavor to identify exactly what you’re tasting. If you’re doing something you perceive as boring (like walking to the bus stop), treat it as a meditation and observe with new eyes each thing you see on the journey – a bird, another human (smile at them!), a squirrel rushing past. Your world is changing constantly – be alive to it.
- Be Very Mindful – All The Time! – This works especially well in your relationships with others and initially can be a little hard to do. But the more you practice it, the better you get at it. Simply put, it involves NOT reacting with anger in situations where you normally would. Take a moment and really think about what is being said, how it’s meant. The Buddhists call this recognizing the spark before the flame. In short you are inhabiting your own mind more fully, by not reacting and pausing a moment to think about things you are being fully present. When you do respond, do your best not to respond in anger but with thoughtfulness.
- Don’t Avoid Pain – By pushing away painful thoughts (or even physical pain) you are simply postponing dealing with it. By facing it fully, accepting it for what it is and then releasing it (whether via a talk with your psychotherapist or a massage or whatever you need to do) you bring yourself fully into this moment.
- Meditation Assists – Living in the moment gets easier with meditation because you are actively clearing thoughts from your mind (like the wind blows clouds from the sky) when you meditate and concentrating on an affirmation or your breath. When you notice your mind has wandered, simply bring it back to the present moment and your breath.
- Forgive What Has Happened In The Past – That old saying “To err is human, to forgive divine” has never been more true. When you forgive someone for a wrong you perceived they have committed, you free yourself from the past and this allows you to be more present now.
- Do One Thing At A Time – When you are multi-tasking (and I know you are… we’re all guilty!) you are quite unable to focus on any one thing and give it your full attention. Resist the urge to rush through it. Do it slowly, thoughtfully, mindfully, like it was the single most important thing you ever had to do. Try smiling while you’re doing it.
- Leave Blank Holes in Your “To Do” List – Resist the urge to schedule things really close together for 14 hours straight. Give yourself a little wiggle room to breathe, meditate, take a walk or simply sit and do nothing! We have become human DOINGS rather than human BEINGS. Just sit and “be”.
- Do Something Nice For Someone – Whether it’s for someone you love or a total stranger, nothing helps you to be more in the moment than to let someone know you care by doing something nice for them. Even just smiling at a stranger as you pass by could have an impact on their entire day. Hold a door open for someone, give up your seat on the bus to an older person, cook your spouse their favorite meal unexpectedly, tell someone how much they mean to you. It feels really good – to them and to you.
A final note: When I am stressing about something it’s almost always because I’m reaching too far into the future and feeling concerned about it. It helps to bring yourself back to “right now” by asking yourself “Am I okay right now?” If the answer is yes, then feel gratitude and stay with that feeling for as long as you can. Because right now is all we have. 90% of the things we worry about never happen.
If you would like my help with getting through breast cancer in an inspiring and ultra-healthy way, please sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com). It is my honor to help you through this.
Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net and Simon Howden
Strategies for Coping with the Anxiety of Living with a Serious Illness
Finding out you have a serious illness is devastating. It forces you to come to terms with your own mortality, and while you should keep fighting every day, it’s most certainly harder to relax and find happiness when you’re faced with that thought each and every day.
For many, this causes significant anxiety. Even if you’ve responded well to treatments, your life is undoubtedly going to change. It has to, because you’ve been faced with a life changing event that has changed the course of your life forever.
But that anxiety becomes a problem when it holds you back from finding happiness in life. There are going to be trials, and times when it’s difficult to think positively, but the more time you spend focused on the adversity and the risks ahead, the less time you spend living for yourself in a way that makes you happy. Everyone will someday have to face their own mortality, but until they do, everyone deserves to try to live a life that is free of regrets and filled with joy.
Stopping Anxiety in its Tracks
Of course, this is often easier said than done. There is certainly no denying that the never-ending doctor’s visits, treatment side effects, and physical aches and pains can make controlling anxiety more difficult. But there are still ways to help you cope with the stresses ahead of you so that you still wake up each day ready to enjoy life. Some of these include:
1. Goal Creation
The simple act of creating goals is extremely important for those living with a serious illness. You need to make sure that you’re always working for something, and that when you complete a goal you still have more to do. It’s good to be focused on the future and not feeling stuck.
Many of those with anxiety disorders (unrelated to serious illness) struggle with this as well. I certainly did. It caused me to spend each day focused on just getting through the day, and suddenly I woke up and a year had passed and I had accomplished nothing.
Even though serious illness can reduce some of your ability to meet some of these goals, there are always new goals you can try. Make sure you’re constantly working for something so that each day is one spent achieving something in the future.
2. Permanent Creative Outlets
What Ms. Clark is doing with this blog is also incredibly valuable. When you suffer from anxiety, you no doubt have all of these thoughts in your head that you can’t seem to release. Putting them all on paper and sharing them with others is the type of creative outlet that many people need to simply take those thoughts out of their head and share them with others, and the permanence of a blog or journal ensures that at any point you can go back, see what you were feeling, and see how you are now.
Those that don’t like to write can try art as well. But anything you can do that lets out your emotions in a healthy way is valuable, and will reduce some of the pressure that these thoughts have on you.
3. Fake It
It can be hard to feel optimistic when you are struggling with a serious diagnosis, even if you’ve managed to overcome it. When optimism fails, you try faking optimism.
We’re not talking about denial. Denial is never healthy. We’re just talking about pretending to be a person that isn’t affected by their diagnosis. Pretend to be someone with a positive outlook, even if it doesn’t come naturally.
One of the most interesting things about the human brain is that when it’s confused, it tries to adapt to being confused. By pretending to be positive, you’re confusing your brain, and often you’ll find that your mind turns you into a more positive person as a result in order to become less confused. It may sound silly, but it’s very effective, and absolutely worth a try for a few months.
- Your Spirit and Anxiety
Still, in the end it’s not about the diagnosis. It’s about who you want to be and how you want to live your life. Your own willingness to recognize your anxiety and overcome it is going to be the key that moves you forward. If you show your own inner strength by dedicating your life to happiness and enjoying yourself, you’ll find that no diagnosis can truly hold you back.
About today’s Guest Writer: Ryan Rivera has worked with many people struggling with chronic illness, and provides anxiety recovery tips at www.calmclinic.com.
Thanks, Ryan! We appreciate your words of wisdom.
If you would like my help with getting through breast cancer in an inspiring and ultra-healthy way, please sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com). It is my honor to help you through this.
Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net and artur84
Newly Diagnosed? Dealing with Anxiety and Fear
It has been my observation that newly diagnosed cancer patients generally have anxiety that is off the charts, and who could blame them?
Fear obviously plays a part in their anxiety – fear of death, pain, loss of function – it can all be life-changing and very scary.
The Difference Between Anxiety and Fear
In an effort to help move you through these sometimes paralyzing feelings, I’ve found some words that I hope will help you.
It comes from the book Living Beyond Limits by David Spiegel, MD:
“There is an important difference between anxiety and fear. Anxiety is a general sense that something is wrong, which can lead to discomfort, restlessness, and worry, but which is not specific enough to point the way to any resolution of the problem. Fear is something more specific – you know what you are afraid of, and this tends to make the possibility of effective action to control or reduce the fear more real. One of the best means of treating anxiety is to convert it to fear, to change a general sense of discomfort to a fear of something in particular. Thus, a general sense of anxiety in relation to cancer or other illness is best addressed by seeking to define exactly what it is you are anxious about: the discomfort associated with the treatment, the possibility that the disease will spread, the threat of death. Each of these issues can be explored and addressed, which can reduce the discomfort they cause. The way to tame anxiety is to confront it directly. Ask rather than avoid.”
Learning The Language of Cancer
I believe Dr Spiegel gave excellent advice. A lot of the anxiety of a new diagnosis comes from, I believe, all the new language you have to learn about medical treatments, from those overwhelming discussions of survival chances based on this therapy or that, the side effects of this or that.
Here are a few tips to help you deal with anxiety and fear:
You must ask questions until you come to understand what is being recommended by your doctors and treatment providers. No one could absorb all of that information the first time around, so take notes. It is also good to have a friend or spouse with you – another set of ears listening is really important because I guarantee you, at some point you will be in overload mode and stop listening and possibly miss an important point.
Dr Spiegel also makes the point that as a newly diagnosed patient you must study for the role as though you were learning a new job. He suggests that doctors, nurses, social workers, and other patients can be your teachers.
I would add to that list of people/teachers: other breast cancer survivors, psychotherapists (to help you manage your stress levels), naturopaths or nutritionists, and massage therapists.
That’s the role of a good healing team – to help you manage your anxiety and fear, to provide you with excellent care, to answer all of your questions in ways that you are able to understand, and to refer you to other members on the team when it’s necessary.
Try not to stay in fear-mode for too long. Dr Spiegel’s advice to convert your anxiety to a specific fear and then tackle it by addressing each fear is a good one because if you are living in a state of fear you are not focusing on your healing and I believe that’s important to do, especially with a life-threatening disease like cancer. Don’t beat yourself up because you are experiencing fear and anxiety, but do your best to move through it so that you can start the healing process.
I send my love to everyone taking this journey right now. If you would like my help with getting through breast cancer in an inspiring and ultra-healthy way, please sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey… and beyond.
Photo courtesy of stock.xchng and Master isolated images
I have run across another good cancer blog you might enjoy – it is called People Beating Cancer (.org) and its subtitle is “A Healthy Exchange of Information and Inspiration”.
Its creator, David Emerson, was 34 years old in 1994 when he was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, an “incurable” cancer of the bone marrow.
Between 1994-1997 David fought three relapses of his cancer with radiation therapy, chemotherapy, and a stem cell transplant. On his third relapse his doctors told him there was nothing more that could be done and that he had 6-12 months to live.
I love it when cancer patients prove doctors wrong!
David is still with us today and that’s because he chose to look further afield for his healing – to try things of which the FDA doesn’t approve, and then he fought the second biggest fight of his life when he sued his HMO and the doctors’ group that had the contract to care for him because he wanted “to exact a reckoning of how bureaucrats could declare the therapy that saved him ‘medically unnecessary’.” You can read his whole story here. The litigation is ongoing.
Bravo! Now I’m not against doctors, don’t get me wrong. I think they are marvelous. What I am against is our system of medical care. I believe that there is SO MUCH ROOM for improvement that I could write a blog about it every day for the next 365 days and only scratch the surface.
I was impressed with David’s blog, there were loads of interesting articles there. One article in particular “What Do Your Genes Say About A Future Cancer Diagnosis?” caught my eye, because I have done quite a bit of research myself on the role that genes play (having a mother and grandmother die from the disease you are diagnosed with can definitely spur you on) and I liked what he had to say here:
“…I do everything that I have read that turns cancer genes off. This anti-cancer list includes
1) supplementation
2) nutrition
3) exercise
4) sleep/relaxation”
I was glad to see that we agree about the importance of taking nutritional supplements, eating carefully, getting exercise and that sleep and relaxation are so very important.
My hat is off to Mr Emerson and may he continue to thrive.
I believe that it is crucial to take your healing into your own hands – doctors do their best, but generally their hands are tied. It is up to us to empower ourselves and be proactive with our healing.
If you’d like to stay connected, sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey… and beyond.
The Paralysis of Analysis
When you are first diagnosed with any life-threatening disease, it is easy to be overwhelmed by all of the decisions you have to make.
Sometimes you might make the conscious decision NOT to make any more decisions until you have more information, or until you’ve talked to that friend who has been through it. Sometimes you feel absolutely frozen in fear and can’t make any decisions at all, what the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King termed “the paralysis of analysis”. Good turn of phrase!
Getting past that immobilization can sometimes be difficult. I would encourage you to do just that, however, because there is nothing worse than paralysis in the face of a threat. You must have a plan for dealing with the threat. You will notice, in the coming weeks and months, that as you face the fact of your diagnosis you begin to observe that life goes on, even with this threat hanging over you.
I have some recommendations on getting through the decision making time.
4 Ways to Help You Move Beyond the Paralysis
- If a lack of information or understanding about the path you need to take is holding you back, talk to your doctor. Talk to me. Discuss it with that friend who has been through breast cancer. Do some searches on the Internet, or have a friend do the searches for you. Don’t let lack of information hold you back – we live in the age of technology when information is in abundance.
- If fear is holding you back, talk to a therapist. Discussing your plight with a neutral party can often be extraordinarily helpful.
- If anxiety is keeping you from making the necessary decisions, and if you don’t know how to meditate, learn. There is nothing more calming, more grounding, and more helpful than meditation to calm anxiety. It will also help you with your treatments for the disease. Meditation will help you focus on the problem at hand and help you make your decision for the right reasons and when you are calm and thoughtful.
- Seek solitude. A long walk along the beach or a river often helps because the atmosphere surrounding places with water is full of negative ions, which help you feel better. It can help to clear your mind and put things in perspective.
Psychology Today offers us this tasty little bit of advice: “You can practice confident decision-making by remembering a simple dictum over and over: You cannot have certainty and you don’t need it. By accepting that no certainty exists and that you don’t need it, you’ll instead harness intuition and, by extension, confidence.”
Decisions are an inevitable part of being human. It requires the right attitude. Every problem, properly perceived, becomes an opportunity.
If you’d like to stay connected, sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey… and beyond.
Photo courtesy of stock.xchng and Lumix2004
The Art of Detachment
I was recently re-reading my well-thumbed copy of “Why People Don’t Heal And How They Can” by Carolyn Myss and was struck by a statement she made about the importance of detachment, especially as it relates to healing.
Ms Myss was talking about the spiritual practice of detaching yourself from the fears of the mind and “viewing your circumstances as an experience through which you are passing, rather than as one that controls your physical life.”
I see a lot of fear in the newly diagnosed breast cancer patients with whom I work and so to say that I am interested in finding good ways of helping them reduce their fear would be the understatement of the year.
The English language really doesn’t have a good word that accurately describes the state of detachment discussed here. If you look in the dictionary you’ll see words like indifference and aloofness, and this is nothing like what we’re contemplating.
I was just reading a really great article entitled “Detachment, Abundance & Success: Just Another Day At The Beach” on erniegray.com, and he had this to say: “A better way of describing detachment in zen practice is a detachment from outcomes in a state of positive being.”
Mr Gray went on to say, “This was understood by Jesus, and is a common characteristic of some of the most successful people you may encounter. To experience and enjoy a life of abundance, you must learn detachment from outcomes.”
Now I realize that cancer patients (having been one myself) are often attached to the outcome of their treatments because they want to live, perfectly understandable and natural.
One of the places I like to go and offer help is an online cancer forum put together by the American Cancer Society, it’s called “What Next”. One of the forum participants was responding to a newly-diagnosed cancer patient who was having a good deal of anxiety and exhibiting more than a little fear. She responded with something like “Well, all you can do is your very best to get rid of the cancer. And even if you fail, you get to go and be with our Lord in peace and harmony” and I thought about that a good long time. Now THAT is true detachment to an outcome.
Why To Practice Detachment
Carolyn Myss, for those who don’t know of her, is a very wise energy healer (among many other things) and she had an interesting statement to make about detachment and healing. She said “Reaching a detached state of mind for even five minutes a day is so valuable that it can infuse your body with the equivalent energy of six months of living in genuine hope.
If you’ve been reading my blog articles, you will know that I am passionate about the power of the mind to heal. Genuine hope is such a powerful healer that without even knowing it, the cells of your body are working toward a more healing path every moment that you exist in that state.
In her book, Ms Myss offers an exercise to help you uncover your negative, limiting beliefs and replacing them with more positive, healing attitudes. Grab a copy of this book and see the chapter titled “Igniting the Healing Fire Within”. If you are struggling with your cancer diagnosis or are suffering from recurrences or metastases I highly recommend this book, it is filled with so much incredible knowledge of healing and offers the reader some compelling lessons on how to heal themselves.
The practice of detachment can take years, so don’t feel bad if you can’t get there after only a few days of trying. If can take a lot of effort to release your attachments and place all things in your life into a healthy, rational perspective, and recognize the need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities life sometimes offers us. Well worth the effort though!
Another resource is Lance Armstrong’s Livestrong site, where I found an excellent article about developing detachment.
If you’d like to stay connected, sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey… and beyond.
Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.com and photostock
Dealing With the What-If’s
Every cancer patient will tell you that there comes a point on a sleepless night when the “what-if’s” come to haunt and harass.
No matter how strong the patient, how resolute, how focused in their healing… there’s always a dark night when the following questions come home to roost:
What if I can’t get well?
What if it comes back?
What if I die? How will my family cope?
I didn’t expect to have these feelings, but I did, and usually when I was ultra-tired.
Some Wise Words
I’m a frequent visitor on the American Cancer Society’s “What Next” forum and a nice man from England named Steve Darke had a great answer to this question recently:
“We go through so many emotions when faced with our own mortality but these emotions are shared by many of us… we must put weight to the positive emotions such as hope. If we choose to live our lives in fear then we are mourning away our future happiness, a happiness which is ours by right. I may die from this illness but I won’t let this illness take away my dreams for I believe without our hopes and dreams we are painting ourselves a very bleak future where all the colours find their way to darker shades of black from the tears that we cry.
“At least we have knowledge of the fate that may belie us, there have been many who say goodbye whilst parting and are never seen again; at least knowing the things we now know, we are able to speak the words that are unsaid, and right the things that are wrong. Here is something called ‘Wasted Moments’ taken from my book Reaching For A Rainbow – A Practical Guide to Living Alongside Cancer (written by Steve Darke):
I am neither a spring flower nor a mighty oak, I am just a man with frailty of life, it’s not the time I have but the journey that counts, regrets for the future of what might have been are what the reaper leaves behind as unfinished business, cast aside regrets and trivial things, say the things you have to say, share the things you have to share and live your journey to the end.
Beautiful words, thank you Steve. Steve has started his own blog and here is a link to it.
Some Help For Those Feelings
In order to help you keep the anxiety at bay, I’ll share a couple of things that really helped me.
- EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) – I found a practitioner that helped me work through those feelings early on. Here’s an 11-minute video outlining the technique and you can try it now. Definitely honor where you are now but don’t let fear and anxiety take you over.
- A quote from Louise Hay in “You Can Heal Your Life”: “Invite your fears in, then tell them to sit down and shut up!”
- I just looked Death square in the eye and said I’M NOT AFRAID OF YOU. I’M ALSO NOT READY FOR YOU, SO YOU CAN JUST GO AWAY.
- Get a massage or some form of bodywork – it has such a calming effect and can be so healing.
If you’d like to stay connected, sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey.
Today’s favorite inspirational quote comes from Dr Bernie Siegel, whose knowledge and understanding of the capacity for humans to heal is truly remarkable.
In “Healers on Healing” Dr Siegel prefaces the comment below about telling his patients of the importance of living as if they were going to die at any moment.
I learned to live this way after my breast cancer diagnosis, and it seemed as important to me then as it does now, 8 years later. Once you’ve had cancer and faced your own mortality, the things that used to weigh you down don’t seem to matter so much anymore.
I learned that every single day is a treasured gift and I began looking for that special moment within each day (I call it my “TSM” – today’s special moment) and I keep a journal of them. I digress.
Favorite Inspirational Quote #6
Dr Siegel states: “Of course, there is always grief when we lose a loved one. But we must learn to take that pain and to love others with it. Consider those who have lived ninety, ninety-five, or one hundred years. They may have lost their spouses, their children, and many other loved ones. Yet after such terrible losses, people find the strength to go on, because they learn to love others. We cannot outlive everyone we love if we choose to keep loving new people. This is what survivors do: They roll the love on continuously. Thus healing, like love, becomes a never-ending process.”
If you’d like to stay connected, sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey.
Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net and iamharin
Anxiety and Fear: Strategies for Coping
If you are at the beginning of your breast cancer journey, no doubt you are no stranger to the feelings of anxiety and fear. They can be overwhelming at times.
But please take heart. A diagnosis of breast cancer is NOT a death sentence. Over the past two decades, medical advances have helped revolutionize our understanding of and treatments for breast cancer. The odds are in your favor! Survival rates are considerably higher than they used to be in the 1950′s.
I lost both my mother and my grandmother to breast cancer and when I was diagnosed (in April 2004), I remember initially being completely floored when my doctor told me I had breast cancer. I was so sure that lump I could feel in my left breast was going to be something fibrous and nothing to worry about. I could not believe it!
I was determined to be the one woman in my family who didn’t get it and had been doing research for years, in an effort to understand it and shield myself from it. So in a way, I had a leg up on others newly diagnosed – I had books and notes and research articles and all kinds of information – in effect, breast cancer was an enemy with whom I was very familiar. I spent about four hours freaking out and then I rallied myself and had a stern talk with ME.
I’m very aware that many others don’t have the benefit of all that research and that’s why I’m so committed to this blog – because I want to reach out and help those who are going through this. I’ve been down that road and I know how it feels. It’s scary some days. It’s darned uncomfortable on others. But for me it was an amazing journey and so many good things have come from it. I hope the same for you.
I wrote a blog a few days ago: 10 Anxiety Busters for Breast Cancer Patients – there are lots of recommendations in this article about how to cope with the attendant anxiety that a breast cancer diagnosis can bring. So I won’t be discussing that today.
Fear of Dying
What’s on my mind today is the fear of death. Let’s talk about that. Psychiatrists say there are three anxieties with regard to death: fear of pain and suffering, fear of loneliness, and fear of the unknown. In a study done at McGill University, breast cancer patients with different coping styles were interviewed about their death-related fears. All patients had some anxiety about at least one aspect of death, but those who could not manage their emotions had the highest scores on all three anxieties.
I strongly suggest that you do your best to keep a cool head and get the facts from your doctors about your risk, your diagnosis, and your chances of survival. Your survival rate is closely related to the stage of your cancer. To better understand breast cancer staging, read this article from breastcancer.org (they have a marvelous on-line forum where you can post questions and get answers). When you understand your diagnosis really well, this generally helps to keep fear under control.
Look your fear in the face. Understand exactly what it is you are afraid of, get some answers for yourself. This helps relieve the anxiety.
Don’t Be Shy About Getting Help
Cancer has a way of making you feel that you are no longer in control of your life or your body. Sometimes your breast cancer journey feels like a long line of traumatic shocks. First you get that bad news, and then sometimes you get more bad news. When you develop ways of coping with the ongoing challenges of breast cancer, you are more able to actively participate not only in your healing but in activities that are important to you like managing your schedule, your relationships, your treatments – it’s a lot to handle. So don’t be afraid to ask for support when you need it.
Many breast cancer patients seem to cope well with the stress of diagnosis and treatment. But if you are younger than average at diagnosis, have a history of depression or anxiety, or are going through extensive treatments, you may have more emotional distress and need some help. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to ask your doctor for a referral to a counselor or mental health professional.
Also be sure to ask about support groups in your area – you’d be surprised how just talking to some others going through the same thing can have a positive affect. Support, medication and therapy are available to you and will help you get back to feeling yourself again (and maybe better!).
Take a Break from Cancertown
If your fears are getting you down, give yourself an emotional holiday. Take some time away from everything. Go somewhere quiet and just breathe. It’s okay to have your feelings, including fear of death, but put yourself in charge of your cancer journey, and put fear in its place. A favorite quote of mine: Invite your fears in, then tell them to sit down and shut up!
Sending love and light to you in your healing journey.
If you would like my help with getting through breast cancer in an inspiring and ultra-healthy way, please sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com). It is my honor to help you through this.
Photo courtesy of rgbstock.com and xymonau
One of the hardest things to deal with as a cancer patient is when metastasis occurs – the spread of the disease from one part of your body to another. Despite your best efforts. Despite the best efforts of your doctors. Here’s some help on dealing with it.
I’ve spent a lot of years reading, researching, getting everything in my hands that I could on this subject. I’m still no expert, but over the years I’ve talked to a lot of survivors, read a lot of books and in this post I will put the best information I’ve found thus far.
Powerful Meditation
In his book “You Can Conquer Cancer” by Dr Ian Gawler (one of Australia’s most experienced and respected authorities on mind-body medicine and meditation), says this about meditation:
“Meditation is:
- the single most powerful tool to aid recovery from disease
- relieves physical tension
- reactivates the immune system
- allows development of emotional and mental poise
- generates a positive attitude
- leads to a heightened level of well-being.”
When in a state of stillness from meditation, your body has a better chance to return to its natural state of balance. When you practice meditation regularly, that state of balance persists with you throughout the day.
This Part is Really Important!
Dr Gawler states: “Meditation increases quality of life and quantity of life. People who do it feel better and live longer.” Dr Gawler recommends that if you’re looking for QUALITY of life, spend 10-20 minutes 3 times daily with your meditation. If you’re looking for QUANTITY of life, spend 60 minutes 3 times daily meditating.
I have a very good friend in Australia who was diagnosed with an incurable form of non-Hodgkins lymphoma. His doctors sent him home to die, telling him to get his affairs in order. He did that, but he also totally changed his life. He stopped smoking, quit his stressful job, started eating organic foods and juicing, and followed Ian Gawler’s suggestions. He meditated 3 hours total per day. That was 15 years ago and he’s in total remission from a supposedly incurable disease.
I have created, just for you, a white light meditation available for a free download from this site, CLICK HERE. I hope you enjoy it and that it helps to ignite your inner healer. I also have a downloadable how-to-meditate course which I designed specifically for cancer patients.
Don’t Bury Toxic Emotions
According to Katrina Ellis in “Shattering the Cancer Myth“, the “most significant way of weakening your body’s immune system is through depressed emotions. Emotions of sadness, loss, abandonment, grief, fear, depression and hurt.” If YOU are going through cancer and can relate to this, I would strongly suggest you get some counseling. Deal with these emotions, please don’t bury them.
It Helps to Get Mad!
Dr Bernie Siegel in “Love, Medicine & Miracles” reports that “…psychologist Sandra Levy has shown that seriously ill breast cancer patients who expressed high levels of depression, anxiety, and hostility survived longer than those who showed little distress.” Aggressive patients apparently tend to have more killer T cells (part of your immune system) than docile patients! I found that very interesting.
Wisdom from the Dalai Lama
When you’re actively battling cancer and metastases, you MUST put yourself first. According to the Dalai Lama in his book “The Art of Happiness“, it helps to “frame any decision we face by asking ourselves ‘WILL IT BRING ME HAPPINESS?’ This underlying sense of moving toward happiness can have a very profound effect, it makes us more receptive, more open, to the joy of living.”
The Power of Prayer
Whether you pray for yourself or get your friends to pray for you (hopefully both), the power of prayer should not be underestimated. I’ll tell you a quick story. I once knew a woman who was involved in a rather serious car crash involving 3 cars. She was in the 3rd car, and the car ahead of her had been seriously damaged in both the front and the back. She began to pray for the young woman in the second car and kept it up until the ambulance came and they took the young woman to the hospital. My friend hadn’t been injured and went home and went about her life. Several weeks later, a young woman came to her door. She apologized for the intrusion and said that she got her address from the police report records. She said “I just want to thank you so much.” When my friend looked at her quizzically, she said “When we were involved in that accident, I think I left my body. I was near death, and I was hovering over the whole scene. I could see this amazing white light coming out of your car and enveloping me and keeping me safe and I realized you were praying for me. I could hear your words. I think you saved me.”
Pretty powerful stuff. Get involved in prayer circles with your friends. They’ll want to know how they can help you.
The Gift of Living in the Moment
A very helpful (and wise) friend once said to me, when I was stressing about whether or not I was going to survive breast cancer, “You know, Marnie, the best thing you can do for yourself is learn to live in the moment. Right now is all we have. Try not to worry about what’s in front of you or what’s behind you. Just be happy in this moment.”
That turned out to be the best advice anyone could have given me at the time. I took it on board and did my best (and still do) to just live in the moment. Because 90% of the time, the present moment – if you give yourself up to it and really take in everything – is pretty perfect.
I wish you much healing in your journey.
I send my love to everyone taking this journey right now. If you would like my help with getting through breast cancer in an inspiring and ultra-healthy way, please sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey… and beyond
Follow Me:
