You may have noticed that your latest bottle of shampoo says “phthalate-free” and wondered what the heck phthalates are and why you should care.
What Are Phthalates?
Phthalates are a group of industrial chemicals used to make plastics more flexible or resilient and also as solvents. Leading one to ask “Why would they put that in a bottle of shampoo anyway?” Good question, wondering that myself.
They’re Everywhere…
Phthalates are found in just about everyplace in modern society – food packaging, hoses, toys, shower curtains, rain coats, vinyl flooring, lubricants, wall coverings, detergents, adhesives, nail polish, hair spray and shampoo. The problem with them is that they have been found to be hormone disruptors. Not good!
According to the U.S. Center for Disease Control’s 2005 National Report on Human Exposure to Environmental Chemicals, several phthalate compounds have been shown to cause reduced sperm counts, testicular atrophy and structural abnormalities in the reproductive systems of male test animals, and some studies also link phthalates to liver cancer.
The Environmental Working Group has focused on phthalates since 1998, when EWG reported that dibutyl phthalate (found in 37 nail polishes) was also present in the body of every single American tested. In 2000, an EWG analysis of CDC data found that dibutyl phthalate was present in every single person tested for industrial pollutants. We are fortunate to have the EWG looking out for us. Since the EWG and other health groups have gotten involved, the U.S. Congress has passed legislation banning six phthalates from children’s toys and cosmetics.
The problem is they’re still out there. Not everyone has conformed to the legislation.
How to Avoid Phthalates
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – READ THE INGREDIENTS on everything you buy. Sadly, it’s not easy to know when phthalates are being used as you’ll rarely find the word “phthalates” on a label (except for the occasional “phthalate-free,” which is helpful). Here’s what you’re looking for:
- DBP (di-n-butyl phthalate) and DEP(diethyl phthalate), often found in personal care products, including nail polishes, deodorants, perfumes and cologne, aftershave lotions, shampoos, hair gels and hand lotions. (BzBP, see below, is also in some personal care products.)
- DEHP(di-(2-ethylhexyl) phthalate or Bis (2-ethylhexyl) phthalate) is used in PVC plastics, including some medical devices.
-
BzBP(benzylbutyl phthalate) is used in some flooring, car products and personal care products.
-
DMP(dimethyl phthalate) is used in insect repellent and some plastics (as well as rocket propellant).
-
Be wary of anything that says simply “fragrance” – often used to denote a combination of compounds, possibly including phthatates, which are a subject of recent concern because of studies showing they can mimic certain hormones.
-
Choose plastics with the recycling code 1, 2 or 5. Recycling codes 3 and 7 are more likely to contain bisphenol A or phthalates.
I have two trusted sources for safe cosmetics and personal care products, One Group (MiEssence) and Young Living Essential Oils. I’ve used them both for years and trust them, they are definitely phthalate free and completely free of other nasties. They work beautifully and smell incredible.
References:
http://www.ewg.org/chemindex/term/480
http://www.ewg.org/news/whats-really-your-shampoo
http://www.thedailygreen.com/environmental-news/latest/phthalates-47020418
If you’d like to stay connected, sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey… and beyond.
Breast Cancer Cells
After watching my mother and grandmother go through breast cancer, reading more than 80 books and countless research articles on the subject and then going through it myself, I have long felt that breast cancer is caused by more than one thing.
So I was really interested to read a recent article in the Huffington Post entitled “Breast Cancer is 10 Different Diseases Landmark Study Finds“.
Landmark British Study
The study was carried out by researchers from the University of Cambridge, Cancer Research UK, the University of Columbia, Canada and a number of other institutions worldwide. It was funded by Cancer Research UK, the British Columbia Cancer Foundation and the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation and published in the scientific journal “Nature”.
The study examined variations in DNA in nearly 2,000 breast tumors in what was the largest such study of breast cancer tissue in the world, the culmination of decades of work.
The Familiar 4 Subgroups of Breast Cancer
The researchers decided that the term “breast cancer” should be an umbrella term for what appeared to them to be at least 10 quite different diseases. Up until now, breast cancer had been classified into four subgroups:
- Double positive cancers that had high levels of both estrogen and progesterone receptors on tumor cells
- Tumors that exhibit high levels of either ER or PR receptors
- Double negative cancers that had neither estrogen or progesterone receptors
- Tumors that exhibit high levels of HER2, a protein discovered in the 90′s that appears to drive breast cancer in some women
More Articles…
The Huffington Post article was rather disappointing to me because it did not list the other 6 new subgroups, leading me to search further afield.
Britain’s Daily Mail had the article as well and I got a few more tidbits of information:
- because further research was required, it would be 3-5 years before women with breast cancer would start reaping the benefits of more targeted treatments
- researchers were pleased because they were closer to their goal for women to receive tailor-made treatments specific to their particular type of breast cancer
- researchers hoped to speed up the search for more targeted therapy for triple negative breast cancer
The Daily Mail article said “The ‘exquisitely detailed’ analysis also revealed several new genes that drive the growth and spread of the disease. This opens the door for the development of drugs that counter their effects. Knowledge of the genetics of each type of the disease will also speed the development of drugs, allowing women to have treatments tailored to their tumor. A handful of such ‘wonder-drugs’, including Herceptin, are already in use.”
Still no mention of the other 6 subgroups.
Finally an Answer
I spent a few hours reading articles and finally found the very best one that described the 10 clusters or subgroups of breast cancer. Click here to read this terrific article, written by Henry Scowcroft of scienceblog.cancerresearchuk.org. It’s a long one, but worth reading. Scroll down the page to the paragraph titled “The ten clusters”. There’s no point in my describing the other 6 subgroups of breast cancer when he’s done such a beautiful job of it.
I loved the fact that the researchers were making it a priority to focus on the links between the immune system and cancer, something I’ve felt for a long time should be a primary focus when treating breast cancer.
I would also like to see research being done relating to how stress plays a part in the development of breast cancer. Nearly every single survivor I’ve spoken to has admitted to me that stress was a huge factor in their lives leading up to the discovery of their breast cancer. It was the same for me.
So – we’ll have to wait awhile for the results of this study and it won’t help the women going through breast cancer right now, but certainly future generations will reap the benefits.
One other question comes to mind – while I’m grateful to Britain’s researchers for doing this kind of work I do wonder why it’s so frequently British and Australian researchers that are making great strides in breast cancer. What the heck is going on in American research labs?
Resources:
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/04/19/breast-cancer-cancer-research-uk-disease-10-categories-dr-harpal-kumar_n_1436498.html?ref=uk#slide=831773
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2131616/Breast-cancer-treatment-British-study-classifies-disease-10-different-types.html
http://www.nhs.uk/news/2012/04april/Pages/breast-cancer-genetic-diversity-mapped.aspx
http://scienceblog.cancerresearchuk.org/2012/04/18/increasing-the-resolution-on-breast-cancer-the-metabric-study/
If you’d like to stay connected, sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey… and beyond.
It’s every woman’s secret fear – finding a breast lump.
The first important thing to do is DON’T PANIC. Studies have shown that 80% of all breast lumps are harmless.
There are many things that can cause a breast lump
Cysts – fluid-filled sacs that can feel like over-ripe grapes. A cyst can sometimes be tender, especially just before your menstrual period.
Fibrocystic changes – lumps that are often painful. Contrary to popular belief, fibrocystic breast changes do not increase your risk of breast cancer. You might find that symptoms are usually worse right before your menstrual period, and then improve after your period starts.
Fibroadenomas – noncancerous lumps that feel rubbery and move easily inside the breast tissue. Like fibrocystic changes, they occur most often during your reproductive years. They are usually not tender and except in rare cases, they do not become cancerous. A doctor can tell during an exam whether a lump is a fibroadenoma. Some doctors will still recommend a lump biopsy just to be sure.
Lipoma – a collection of fatty tissue, a lipoma moves easily with very little finger pressure. Sometimes they are tender to the touch but are usually not associated with any other symptoms. Lipomas rarely become malignant.
Milk cysts – sacs filled with milk and infections (known as mastitis), which may turn into an abscess. These typically only occur if you are breastfeeding or have recently given birth. They are painful!
Other causes of breast lumps
There are other conditions which can cause breast lumps:
- Injury — sometimes if your breast is badly bruised, there will be a collection of blood that feels like a lump. These lumps tend to heal themselves in a few days or weeks but if they do not improve, see your doctor.
- Breast cancer — if you suspect this, see your doctor
Other breast changes to look for
- Bruising on your breast, but you did not experience any injury;
- Any discharge from your nipple, especially if it is bloody or pinkish
- The skin on your breast appears dimpled or wrinkled, like the peel of an orange
- A new breast lump during your monthly self-exam
- Your nipple is inverted (turned inward) but normally is not inverted
Do this first!
Make a call to your primary care doctor and go get it checked out. Don’t delay, because if it is breast cancer, the earlier you find it and get treatment, the better your chances for survival.
Your doctor will most likely order an ultrasound exam; it’s a painless, radiation-free way of determining if the lump is a mass or a harmless, fluid-filled cyst. You might also have a core needle biopsy where, with the assistance of the ultrasound equipment, they insert a very slender needle into the breast (it’s not as bad as it sounds) and suck out a small sampling of cells which they test for cancer.
In the event that the lump can’t be seen during your ultrasound exam (which apparently does happen about a third of the time) a similar procedure known as a “stereotactic needle biopsy” uses a mammogram to guide the procedure. They use the mammography equipment when they insert the needle and then scan the breast to ensure accuracy.
I know all this sounds very scary, but go and get yourself checked anyway. If it turns out to be nothing, at least you’ll know and NO ONE will think you are over-reacting.
References:
http://www.webmd.com/breast-cancer/features/advances-in-diagnosing-breast-cancer
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003155.htm
If you’d like to stay connected, sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey… and beyond.
Exciting New Australian Research Focuses on Blocking Tumor Spread in Breast Cancer
My Australian friends have shared with me some great new research being done by Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre in association with Monash Institute of Medical Research in Melbourne.
The research shows great potential – as cancer survivors the main anxiety we have is that after undergoing all that treatment they throw at us, at the end of it all we’re left wondering “Did they get it all? Or will it come back?” Our key concern is the possibility that the cancer cells could spread somewhere else in our body (called metastasis). That’s how I lost my mother and grandmother, so it was a very real concern to me.
Sneaky Cancer Cells
Dr Belinda Parker of the Metastasis Research Laboratory at Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre says that they have discovered that the disease spreads secretly by switching off the interferon immune signalling and hiding in the blood stream. They are “quite excited by this because therapies that are currently already available can be used to switch this immune signal back on, and we’ve found that that actually prevents the spread of cancer to bone.”
In more simple terms, cancer cells produce signals, the same signals that are produced when we have a bacterial or a viral infection. Cells that lose these signals are the ones that can spread without detection by the immune system.
Interferon Therapy
Because there are already clinical therapies for hepatitis, HIV, and other cancers like melanoma that can switch the lost signals back on and get the immune system to react to cancer cells, the chances are good that they will be able to create an interferon therapy for breast cancer patients whose tumors exhibit a loss of immune signals.
Dr Parker has proven that interferon therapies effectively reactivate the immune signal in mouse models of breast cancer.
“If we can stop the first spread to bone, then it is possible that we could prevent subsequent metastases to the brain, lung and liver,” Dr Parker said.
In the future (and they aren’t saying when), the pathology tests that determine whether a breast cancer tumor is driven by hormones, what stage it is and what grade it is, et cetera, may also include information about whether this particular tumor has lost its immune signals and, if so, that patient would then be treated with the therapies that switch the signals back on.
Dr Helen Zorbas is the CEO of Cancer Australia and, when interviewed, said that understanding how cancer spreads through the body is like the Holy Grail of medicine, she was excited by the new research.
Holy Grail indeed. Good work, Aussies!
References:
http://www.abc.net.au/worldtoday/content/2012/s3551215.htm
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/national/bone-breakthrough-could-help-stop-disease-spread/story-fndo3ewo-1226432661341
http://www.petermac.org/PublicationsMedia
If you’d like to stay connected, sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey… and beyond.
Helpful Breast Examination Video
I found a very well done video on You Tube today explaining the proper way to do a self breast examination.
I liked this video because it described what you should be looking for, things to be concerned about and things not to worry about.
The Problem With Mammograms
The only thing that concerns me in the video is the advice to start getting screening mammograms at the age of 40. There are many problems associated with mammograms and Dr Joseph Mercola (among others) has written an excellent article about that.
One of the main problems with mammograms is that they employ ionizing radiation at a relatively high dose, which in and of itself can contribute to the development of breast cancer. Mammograms expose your body to radiation that can be 1,000 times greater than that from a chest x-ray. This is not acceptable!
A second problem with mammogram screening is that it also compresses your breasts tightly, and if there are any cancer cells present, could also lead to a dangerous spread of those cells.
The third problem with mammography is its unacceptably high rate of false positives. Read Dr Mercola’s article for more information on this – really important for you to know.
Thermal Imaging – A Much Better Solution
Dr Mercola and I agree that thermal imaging is a much better screening device. When I lived in Australia, I went yearly to a Thermal Imaging Center and really loved the experience. No squish! No pain! No radiation!
Thermography measures the infrared heat radiating from your body. It can detect signs of breast cancer without the use of dangerous radiation or mechanical pressure. Thermography can provide a picture of the early stages of angiogenesis — the formation of the blood vessels that feed a tumor.
See my page titled What is Thermography for more information. I highly recommend you do an Internet search – put in your city name and “thermal breast imaging” to find a center near you. Sometimes insurance pays for this – contact the thermal imaging center for more information.
The bottom line is this. The medical establishment is going to continue to push mammography on us – despite its obvious safety issues – unless we, the empowered patients, insist on doing something different.
If you’d like to stay connected, sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey.
Got Chemobrain? These Essential Oils Will Help!
When I was going through chemotherapy, all of the people in my cancer support group who were also undergoing chemo were complaining about chemobrain – and it was clear that they were forgetful, vague, preoccupied, and befuddled!
While I had it to a certain degree, for me it was much more manageable and manifested itself as a slightly sort of foggy feeling.
Finally someone asked me why I seemed to be doing so much better than the others and I confessed I really didn’t know. And then it hit me several days later while I was in the bathroom applying my essential oils. Of course, it was the essential oils! I use them daily and I knew that no one else in my support group was doing that.
Certain essential oils have the ability to cross the blood-brain barrier, which is a naturally occurring barrier in your brain created by brain blood vessels that prevents many substances from leaving the blood and crossing the capillary walls into the brain tissues. It’s a defensive mechanism designed to protect your brain from harmful chemicals.
I’ve used essential oils as my “first aid kit” for over 13 years. See my page on Essential Oils for Breast Health. I continue to use them to this day.
Here are my favorites for battling the effects of chemobrain:
1. Frankincense – used in religious ceremonies for thousands of years, frankincense has wonderful medicinal properties – it is an anti-tumoral, immune stimulant, good for respiratory infections, it helps promote meditation, improves attitude and uplifts spirits.
Frankincense resin
2. Sandalwood – it grows in India, it has been used for centuries in Ayurvedic medicine for skin revitalization, meditation and yoga. It is an anti-tumoral, it enhances sleep, stimulates the pineal gland in the brain which is the center of emotions and is responsible for melatonin production. Sandalwood was mentioned in Dioscorides’ De Materia Medica (A.D. 78), which was Europe’s first medical guide and became the standard reference for herbal treatments for over 1700 years.
Sandalwood log
3. Palo Santo – found in South America, used by the Incas to purify and cleanse, to repel mosquitoes, for fevers, infections and skin diseases. Its name means holy or sacred wood. It is one of my favorite oils. It also has anti-tumoral properties, good for arthritis, respiratory problems and breathing it opens your brain!
Palo Santo Tree
4. Peppermint – this is especially good for cancer patients because it aids digestion. Put a drop of peppermint oil in a glass of water – it will not only wake up your brain, it will relieve the icky tummy that chemo causes. It also improves your sense of taste by stimulating the trigeminal nerve.
Peppermint
5. Lavender – calming, relaxing, balancing, lavender is another anti-tumoral, it helps with respiratory infections, it’s an anti-inflammatory, great for mosquito bites, burns, skin conditions, so many things. University of Miami researchers found that inhaling lavender oil increased beta waves in the brain – the beta waves are what come out to play when you are in an ultra-relaxed state such as meditation or sleep. I love deep breathing lavender – it has such a profound effect on the nervous system.
Lavender fields
Regular use of essential oils – whether it be through inhalation, diffusing, bathing, or massaging them into your body promotes health in so many ways. Battling chemobrain is one of many uses for essential oils. Just beware of the source because not all oils are created equally. Use a trusted brand – this is the brand I know and trust and love.
If you’d like to stay connected, sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey.
The American Cancer Society has put together a terrifically useful Chemotherapy Side Effects Worksheet which I have attached here (just click the blue link below).
What I liked about it was that if you keep it handy, you can take note of anything odd or troublesome AS IT HAPPENS because trust me – if you don’t write it down, you can easily forget about it when the doctor asks how you’re doing at your next visit. They don’t call it “chemobrain” for nothing. So print out the Chemotherapy Side Effects Worksheet and keep it nearby for easy reference.
I will keep it on my Useful Links page as well, just in case you need another copy.
By the way, if you’re having problems with constipation, here’s a link to my recent blog where I share my favorite herbal (it helped me a lot!).
If you have any questions or need any help, you can contact me.
If you’d like to stay connected, sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey.
Last
week I received a copy of a very interesting 2009 study which examines the role of soy, tamoxifen and estrogen receptors in breast cancer survival.
The study was published in the esteemed JAMA, Journal of American Medical Association, December 9, 2009. If you’d like to read the entire article, click: Soy Food Intake & Breast Cancer Survival 2009 study.
The objective of the study, called the Shanghai Breast Cancer Survival Study (“the Study”) was to evaluate the association of the intake of soy foods after a breast cancer diagnosis. It was quite a large study – over 5,000 female breast cancer survivors aged 20-70 years with diagnoses between March 2002-April 2006 were followed up through June 2009. It was one of the largest population-based studies of breast cancer survival when it was published. See the Study for all of the relevant details.
Many are Confused About Whether Soy is Safe or Not
I’m writing about this today, some 3 years after publication, because there still seems to be quite a lot of confusion about the role of soy’s phytoestrogens (plant estrogens) among breast cancer survivors and those actively battling it. We are told to be wary of too much soy – that because soy’s phytoestrogens can supposedly act as weak estrogens, those who had estrogen receptor positive tumors (meaning estrogen appeared to fuel the growth of the tumors) should exercise caution and not eat too much soy.
The Study blows that theory out of the water. Here’s a direct quote:
“In our comprehensive evaluation of soy food consumption and breast cancer outcomes using data from a large, population-based cohort study, we found that soy food intake was inversely associated with mortality and recurrence. The inverse association did not appear to vary by menopausal status and was evident for women with ER-positive and ER- negative cancers and early and late-stage cancers.”
For those not accustomed to the language used in scientific studies, “inversely associated with” means that the more soy foods that were eaten, the less mortality and recurrence was exhibited in the Study participants.
Soy Phytoestrogens vs. Our Estrogen
The Study also found that soy isoflavones (one of a family of phytoestrogens found chiefly in soybeans) compete with the body’s estrogen in the binding of estrogen receptors, they increase the synthesis of sex hormone-binding globulin (thus lowering the bioavailability of sex hormones), they reduce estrogen synthesis and increase the clearance of steroids from circulation. It is thought that these anti-estrogenic effects may be one of the underlying mechanisms through which the consumption of soy foods is associated with better breast cancer outcomes.
Soy Phytoestrogens vs. Tamoxifen
Additionally, the Study found that soy food intake was associated with improved survival, regardless of tamoxifen use. Interestingly, the Study concluded that for women who took tamoxifen and had low soy intake, the tamoxifen helped their overall survival rates. For those who ate high levels of soy foods, tamoxifen was not related to further improvement of survival rates. More importantly, women who had the highest level of soy food intake and who did not take tamoxifen had a lower risk of mortality and recurrence rate than women who did take tamoxifen and who had the lowest level of soy food intake. This suggests that high soy food intake and tamoxifen use may have a comparable effect on breast cancer survival.
I know which one I’d rather take!
How much is enough?
The study indicated that 11 grams per day of soy protein was sufficient to confer the benefits they observed.
If you’d like to stay connected, sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey.
The Best Chance to Heal Yourself
I’m seeing a trend with breast cancer patients that worries me a bit. To put it bluntly, I think that it’s misguided to put your entire healing process totally in the hands of your medical team. That gives them all the power and none for yourself and that does NOT give you the best chance to heal yourself.
Your medical team, no matter how highly esteemed or how accomplished, function largely in the role of body mechanics. They are trained in terms of body. They can operate on you, they can prescribe a treatment strategy, but they are not responsible for your life or your health!
You are.
Nobody can get well for you. You have to do it for yourself.
I think it’s wonderful to select a medical team in whom you have a great degree of confidence. That’s important to do.
But once they are in place, your attention must also focus on the role of mind and spirit in this journey with cancer.
You are a totality of body, mind and soul – to ignore the other aspects and focus only on the body I believe is a mistake.
What Helped Me
I sought out a psychotherapist to help me with stress levels, I went to a person who taught me something called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to deal with my negative thoughts about cancer, my husband and I did some relationship counseling, we learned to meditate from a group of Buddhist monks — I did all this to give my body and my mind and my spirit a chance to heal. These things might not work for you, but I would encourage you to find the things that DO work for you.
Honestly, I felt so good after taking care of all the emotional baggage – so much lighter and like I wanted to take on the world. For me, that’s when true healing began to take place.
So empower yourself. Do what you need to do to get beyond this – and be the beautiful spirit I know you can be. You deserve it and the world needs your healing. Now, more than ever.
If you’d like to stay connected, sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey.
14 Loving Ways to Support a Spouse With Cancer
Whether the diagnosis has come for a man or a woman, if your spouse has been diagnosed with cancer, you can feel like your whole world has turned upside down.
What you never expected or never even wanted to happen has just become a reality and it can be a big shock. There are, however, many things that you can do to make the process easier for both of you.
- Move through that initial shock together. Hold each other – hugs are so healing and both of you will be needing them. Cry if you need to. The most important thing you can give your spouse right now is your love, to let them know that no matter what happens, you’ll get through it together. If that initial stage of shock takes several weeks, try not to fight it. Honor where you are and how you’re feeling. It takes however long it takes. But know that your spouse needs an emotional anchor, and you’re it, whether you like it or not.
- Be there and be strong. Your spouse needs you now more than ever. Just realize that they might not be so much fun to be with all the time. Please don’t give into the temptation to hide from the situation by getting busier with work, hobbies, or other things that keep you away from them. You’re going to encounter some tough times – supporting someone who’s going through chemotherapy is not easy. But they’ll remember what you did for them later.
- At work. Look into your options for taking time off in case you need to care for your spouse. There may be different options depending on your place of employment as well as your state or local laws. Your human resources department should be able to point you in the right direction. Tell your supervisor in advance that you may need to take a leave of absence.
- Be sure to look after yourself too. Right at first you’ll be fine, but at some point, you’re probably going to feel like hell. Go get a massage, hang out with a friend for an hour – do whatever you need to do to keep yourself strong. Carergiver Syndrome is a very real thing and you don’t want it!
- Listen to your spouse. This may be the most important thing you can do for them right now. You know your spouse better than anyone else, and you trust each other. Listen to their fears, worries and concerns with love. Understand that neither of you may have the right words to talk about these things – you may have some awkward moments, and you may have to agree with each other that any words (even if they are not the “right” ones) are better than no words.
- Go with your spouse to appointments as often as you can. Be an advocate. Though your spouse may be a strong person, a person with cancer is often in no shape to battle hospital bureaucracies, thoughtless medical personnel, or anyone else. Make it your job to take their side and ask questions until you get answers. Even the best medical care personnel get too busy or distracted, so if/when that happens, you need to make sure your spouse gets the care they need. Also two sets of listening ears are always better than one.
- Help organize medical appointments and paperwork. Do your best to keep track of doctor’s appointments, prescriptions, hospital bills, test reports, and the hundreds of other pieces of paper that is engendered by cancer treatment. Someone with “chemo brain” will definitely be relieved not to have to keep track of them.
- Communicate with family and friends. They will want to know what’s happening, even though some of them may react strangely and not at all as you expected. Don’t judge them, some people just can’t handle sickness. Since this whole process can take awhile, consider setting up a blog, an email list, a Facebook page, or some other communication network to keep friends and family informed of your spouse’s progress without having to share news repeatedly with each individual.
- Know you are not alone – most will want to help. This isn’t always the case but if you let people know that you need some help, they are usually only too willing to jump in and help however they can. Choose people you know you can trust. Try to give people something they can do even if it is something simple like bringing food to share when they come to visit or mowing the lawn or chopping up vegetables for the juicer.
- Be patient during chemotherapy. Everyone knows that chemotherapy can cause nausea, but it can also cause food to taste strange – it may taste metallic or bitter. Gently encourage your spouse to eat whatever he/she can. Ask what tastes good and find a way to cook it or get it. Don’t be troubled if your spouse’s preferences change overnight and know that this won’t last forever!
- Keep yourself well. Wash your hands regularly and carry a small bottle of hand sanitizer for use when you’re out and about. While your spouse is going through chemotherapy their immune system will be low and you’ll need to exercise extra care. Avoid people who have an illness.
- Try to carry on as normal. There is something comforting about routine, even in the midst of cancer. Cancer doesn’t mean the world has to grind to a halt. If you and your spouse have normal routines and things you enjoy doing, try to keep them up as much as possible. But always be sensitive to fatigue, emotional stress, or other reasons for not doing things you normally do, and give into the needs of your spouse when you need to.
- Don’t leave. Regardless of the state of your relationship, this is the absolutely worst thing you can do to your spouse at this vulnerable time. A person can get over cancer, but they will never get over the deep and lasting emotional injury you will inflict if you abandon them now. And neither will you. Don’t do it. Stay, even if you’re not that happy with the situation. Once your spouse is well again, then you can make that heavy decision.
- Reconnect with your spiritual beliefs. Whether you believe in prayer or meditation, your spiritual beliefs are going to help you get through this. You and your spouse will need a lot of resources to win this battle, more than you can get together on your own. Don’t neglect your spirituality in this fight. It can connect you with the source of your greatest strength.
If you’d like to stay connected, sign up for my free e-newsletters on the right, or “like” me on Facebook (MarnieClark.com) and I’ll do my utmost to keep you informed and empowered on your healing journey.
Follow Me:
